Friday, April 23, 2010

empty jar

what form of broken is not worth replacing
how many signs does it take to see
how many ways can i run away from me

when does the notion that something's not right
the restless days and the sleepless nights
inform the mind to find salvation

empty jar without a purpose
questioning its maker
just like all the other jars
wanting to fill its insides

how many tries does it take it succeed
at what point do you let the wind steal your dreams
so you can live realistically

when the torment seeps into your soul
breaking you up til you're no longer whole
who do you know that won't run away

empty jar without a name
hiding feelings it can't contain
even in the empty space
a pit of sorrow and shame

what do you do when the nightmares come
when you can't explain the sinking feeling
that has your whole heart reeling

who do you find that won't condemn
then how you know what to say to them
when you've forgotten how to speak

empty jar fell of the shelf
cracked in pieces, many shards
should have been like other jars
content with being empty

Monday, April 19, 2010

Obviously my ambitious "day by day" of California posts failed after day two. Oh well. If you really want to know, shoot me an email, and I'll fill you in. It's too late for me to process everything in a creative fashion. That season has passed.

Currently I am tired; I want to take a long nap and not wake up until tomorrow morning.

Have you ever been plagued with heartache for no apparent reason?

I've been feeling that way lately.

I am not always sad or upset, by the way. But those moods often inspire me to write.

School is 2 weeks from completion and I should be stressed, but I am avoiding work instead of getting it done. (Okay, I am stressed. Just passively so at the moment.) I wrote something today. A letter called "Dear Summer Mentality" which basically personified my summer mentality and told him that I loved him, but could he wait for me for 3 weeks more, because he came a bit early this year. It's like Senioritis all over again (okay, not that bad). I really want to be done but I need to draw some will-power from within so I can finish all of my classes strong.

Meanwhile, Earth Day was this weekend and I stayed in Nashville Friday and spent the whole weekend with some awesome friends. It made me miss the city like a fish out of water misses the ocean. I want to live there so much, but it's the expense that scares me a bit. It's easier being able to work without shelling out half of my paycheck for rent. But I think I need to decide if I'm going to travel or not. Because if it's "or not," I might as well move to the city. Geez. All talk and no action. Where's that will-power I was talking about?

In other news, I got a scholarship the other day, which is really exciting. That takes a bit of the financial stress away.

I hope to have lots of coffee dates or just good talks as soon as school lets out.

That sounds nice.

This is rather mundane and monotonous, so I quit for now.

Til we meet again.