Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Half of My Heart

Have you ever felt like your heart was in two places at once?

That's kind of where I am right now. I am absolutely LOVING being here in Tennessee with family and friends and getting to serve at the Journey every Sunday with a church family that I adore. I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Yet somehow, my heart aches for another place.

I leave for the Czech Republic in exactly a month (http://czechmate11.wordpress.com/ is the blog site devoted to that experience) and am getting excited (and nervous). I feel like that is something God has been preparing my heart for for quite some time. I am not sure what to expect, but I definitely have great expectations of God, so at the least, I expect to be changed by my experience.

While half of my heart is here and is rejoicing in what God is doing in my life right in front of me (and in a country thousands of miles away that I will soon be living in), the other half of my heart longs to be in Wisconsin, serving at HoneyRock. I fell in love with the Northwoods last summer and when I visited last October, I had the feeling of "coming home" when I reached HoneyRock Road. Now, with the knowledge that the summer season has begun, I miss Three Lakes even more.

I miss my dear friends, I miss sitting on the dock and surveying the wilderness in awe, I miss sitting on a bench under a starlit sky at night and praising my Creator for the splendor of His handiwork...

I miss Lick-a-Dee Splitz runs with the staff, walking around in Eagle River while waiting for our laundry to dry, loading up on snacks at Trig's, and packing 20+ staffers into the world's smallest movie theater...

I miss smelling like a campfire morning, noon, and night, eating meals in Chrouser, starting off every day with staff devos, sorting the mail in the office, attending Family Days, ski shows, Wrangler Breakfasts...

I miss HoneyRock church. I miss worshiping God under a clear sky, beneath towering pines, with the lake a stone's throw away...

I miss midnight conversations with Elizabeth on her couch, afternoon talks with Nancy in her kitchen, incredible conversations with other staffers throughout the day...

I miss the horrible mattress from my bunk bed, s'mores with the wranglers in the Loberg lounge. I might even miss the orange Loberg water (okay, no I don't) and I miss returning to my room multiple times and finding a new friend in a new roommate.

I miss canoeing late at night, swimming early in the morning for Solid Rock, riding the golf cart down to Ops to talk to Don, playing guitar in the racquetball court because the acoustics are amazing.

I miss hearing the sound of hundreds of campers singing camp songs, I miss talking to parents about how much fun their kids are going to have, I miss praying with people constantly as we serve God in an intentional community.

I miss the Bee Hive, the Ropes Course, Ski Hill, and Cathedral Pines...

My heart aches for these things and my spirit longs to be living in this community once again.

But the memories are sweet and the friendships that have grown over the past year are so precious, and I know that I am where I am supposed to be for the time being.

Last summer was not only a summer of many joys and adventures - it was also a summer of miracles. I know that last summer could not be replicated, even if all of the above were to occur again. My HoneyRock summer of 2010 is so very precious to me and I will cherish those memories forever. I am in awe every time I reflect upon what God did in my life then and the ways in which He has built upon that summer in the past year.

My heart hurts for HoneyRock because it is home to me, just as the Journey is home to me and my family and friends are home to me. Though I cannot be there right now, I can bask HoneyRock in prayer. I can also continue to thank God for the opportunities and adventures He gave me and ask Him to prepare my heart for the adventures in my life that are to come.

Here I am, Oh God. Surrendered to Your plan for my life. Every day is a new adventure and I pray that I may see it as such. You have given me so much, oh Lord. I dare not ask more. You alone are my reward. I worship You not for the blessings You give, but for the gift of Yourself that You have already given. Take and use me as You see fit to further Your Kingdom. My life is Yours completely.