Sunday, November 28, 2010

With Seeing Eyes

My bed is gone and my room looks rather naked. It's the futon for me tonight.

Thus, begins the moving process.

Last time I posted, I didn't know where I was moving, but now I have a destination. Thank you, Jesus! God's timing is always perfect, so I'm not sure why I forget that and get worried about things, such as where I will live. He provided a place in a basement apartment of a family from church. There will be about a week between the moving out and moving in, so I will be chilling with the family and perhaps crashing with the grandparents for a night, just for fun.

So here's a mind-blowing fact: I have exactly 6 days of classes left and then a few days of exams until I am finished with this semester.

I feel like I just got back from HoneyRock, but obviously I've been back for a while since Christmas is in less than a month and all.

My three months in the Northwoods seemed a lot longer than my three months living in Nashville, working in Donelson, and going to school in Murfreesboro. (If you are a stalker, you know three places to find me. But if you are a smart stalker, you already knew those things because the internet tells all.) For that, I am grateful. Not because these past three months have been bad, but because my experience in Wisconsin was invaluable and was really a life-changing experience. If I haven't told you about it and you want to know, or if you have had any doubts about God - any at all - please email or call me and we will get together and celebrate what God did in my life and how He works miracles even now if you are looking with seeing eyes.

I have a secret to tell you.

I have fallen out of step with what I know and believe to be true. How have I done this? For a split second, I took my eyes off of Christ and allowed sin and humanity to claw at my desire for God. And I slipped. The intimacy I felt with Christ began to be less until I felt very far from God and very ashamed that I stopped looking to Him, because it destroyed me inside. Once again, I discovered the hard way that self-sufficiency does not work. Because of the way in which He so personally spoke to me this summer, I was ashamed at falling away so quickly by not intentionally looking with seeing eyes.

Here's something I excerpt from my journal entry the other day:

"I got back here (to Nashville), and it was hard, but still, God showed Himself to me in every day things. Then my focus shifted inward, and I focused on my impurities rather than His glories. It was then that I felt most separated from Him."

Why do I share this?

Maybe because I believe being transparent about sin and struggles and ways in which we fall short fosters a greater trust. Maybe because I believe hiding our struggles makes us even more spiritually ill. Maybe because I believe God wants more from me and from you than our impurities.

So how 'bout it?

Let's do this.

Let's start every day by focusing our eyes on Him so we can really see and stop feeling dead inside.

I have to go buy stamps because this bill is due in a few days and I need to get re-acquainted with Shakespeare so I can write an impressive paper and maintain a good grade, so that's all for now.


ps I'm not starving myself...the Prague diet was a joke. But I am grateful for your concern. :)

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